Walking Down Memory Lane

The year was 1984.

It was our final year at St Mary's Secondary School, an all girls' school established by the missionaries in the 1840's. We were fifth formers sitting for our major public exam at the end of the year. The giant hurdle to clear was known as the Malaysian Certificate of Education, which is equivalent to O Level Cambridge Exams.

It was a year of mixed feelings.

Feelings of pride that we were finally at the top level of our school with younger ones looking up to us for guidance and instruction; awe and admiration reflected in some of their eyes in the same way that ours used to shine for some of our seniors.

Then there were feelings of excitement that we would be going across the road to our brother school, St Thomas' Secondary School, to pursue our A levels. Finally, a chance to be studying with boys, an experience which had been denied us for the past 10 years or so of our lives as students!

And last but not least, feelings of sadness at the thought of leaving our beloved school, our teachers and some of our friends who would not be joining the mass exodus to the school across the road.

Thanks to Facebook, I recently got connected to a number of my ex-schoolmates from twenty-nine years ago! What an amazing invention the internet is!

Even as I'm writing this, my dear friends from our memorable yester-years are busy planning our thirtieth-year reunion scheduled to be held early next year, which, unfortunately, I won't be able to attend.

Some of us had known each other since we started primary school together, building memories since the very first day of school when a few burst into tears as our parents prepared to leave. I wasn't one of them, but then, I had my cousin to start school with me, so I guess that helped!

There were pleasant memories of fun, joy, and laughter when during recess, we played with five stones or seven stones on the ground, or with skipping ropes made from elastic bands - our children would find that hard to imagine now with the advent of the computer era! The tricks we played on one particular teacher we didn't like that had us in stitches - stink bombs which we proclaimed to be smells wafting from the chemistry lab in the secondary block and what not! Oh, and there was Touche and Dum Dum, our two pet turtles which we had to take turns to look after. They may have been cute to look at, but the odour that we had to endure when it was time to clean their aquarium? That was another thing altogether......pee-ew!

Then there were less pleasant times when a few unfortunate ones had to stand on a chair in front of the principal's office with a placard of the crime committed dangling from the necks as punishment. The anxious moments when we were called to pay a compulsory visit to the school dental nurse; one at a time, as if going to our execution, with not even a friend as a companion to hold our cold, clammy hands!

More memories were made as we became teenagers and moved on to the next block of buildings where the secondary school still stands today. Or at least I believe they are still there!

I can still smell the pungent odour coming from the toilets even before we entered them. A classmate decided one day that she would try to hold her breath in there while she hurried through her routine. Alas! Her breath ran out before she was done and as she gasped for air to fill her screaming lungs, she almost passed out from the acrid fumes! It is my fervent hope that the deplorable condition of the toilets would have improved by this day and age.

Another memory that stood out was the time my class was dissecting frogs that were in chloroform-induced comas in the science lab. A few days after the poor dismembered amphibians had been discarded, we were startled to hear a cacophony of what sounded like wailing frogs! No kidding! That was one sure eerie experience that brought out the goosebumps! I wonder if any of us went on to become medical doctors or surgeons after that. It was during that dissection that I knew I wasn't cut out to be one!

The best memories shared with my dear friends were ones that included unrestrained and uncontrollable laughter. Not polite little chuckles, mind you. I'm talking about loud, unladylike belly laughs that had us doubled up in sheer ecstasy and agony all in the same breath, and with some having to cross their legs because they felt the sudden urge to make a dash for that awful place which we all wished we didn't have to frequent! The worst was when that happened in the library as we had to stifle those rumblings from deep within that were threatening to get us more of the librarian's attention than we would've liked to!

Ahh.... the innocence of youth, relatively untainted by life's many twists and turns with all its complications, sorrow and heartache tangled in the sea of love, joy and beauty.... If I had the ability, opportunity, and courage to turn back time, it would be because of genuine, sincere friends that I've found along my journey who would stand by each other not just through joy-filled moments, but gut-wrenching, heart-rending ones, too. And memories like the ones my fellow Marians and I had made in our teenage years, or the ones my flatmates and I had shared in our student years after high school....

With feelings of sentiment, I wrote a poem in 1984 when my heart ached at the thought of leaving school. I'm so glad I've kept it after all these years. So, here's to the Marians, Class(es) of '84:

The Beauty of Friendship

True friendship is so beautiful

But rare....
It is like flowers blooming

Everywhere....

Joining school, leaving school

Days pass, years go by

But our friendship remains

And forever it will lie

Fondly will I recall

Our school days together

Having fun....

As the years gather

Forget me not, dear friends

Let not the memories of our friendship go

And the lovely times we've spent together

Not so long ago....

Rrrribit!!!

Taking Ownership

[The boy cowered in fright as his father lashed out at his mother, both in words and in action. The slap across his mother's tear-stained face resounded across the room to where the boy tried to stay hidden behind the sofa.

"I wish mum and dad would stop fighting...... I wish I was old enough to leave home....... I wish.... I wish I had never been born into this family......", the boy thought wistfully.

Fast forward twenty years, the boy is now a full grown man with a family of his own and a good job. His wife, too, has a full-time job and they struggle with balancing their careers and bringing up their two year-old son. As much as he loves his family, he doesn't understand why he is so short-tempered with them sometimes. Oh, he tries hard to be patient, but there is always this temptation to lash out at them the way his father did towards him and his mother. He wonders if he's becoming like his father.....]


The above scenario may be fictitious, but a lot of us have seen and heard enough of this sort of replication in families to know that history tends to repeat itself.

In fact, if we're honest with ourselves, we can even see how we seem to do to our own families the very thing(s) that our parents did to us which either frightened or annoyed us.

Sometimes, it's easier just to blame our parents for teaching us the wrong things. Or to blame our spouses, partners or friends for causing us to react in the way that we did which we're by no means proud of, but which we may not be willing to admit.

While working through the pain of my past, I've come to realise that the only way to overcome some of the things that I don't like about myself is to take ownership of them.

Taking ownership of our weaknesses and circumstances means, first of all, to acknowledge these very things.

It requires us to be honest with ourselves, with God, and even with others.

It means acknowledging that we don't like certain aspect(s) of ourselves or the circumstances that we're in, but that we accept the responsibility that we now have to get the help that we need in order to get to a better place.

It means to stop blaming others and to forgive them for modelling the wrong thing to us. It may also mean that we need God's help to reach that place of forgiveness in letting go of the hurts of the past.

Taking ownership may not seem fair, as it means relinquishing the wrong-doings of the people who have wounded us.

However, taking ownership stops us from hurting ourselves and our own families as we take the step to cut ourselves and our descendants off from the weaknesses and struggles of our forefathers which have been passed down from generation to generation.

It is a vital step towards experiencing the joy and freedom that God has intended for us and our loved ones.

The recovery process that begins with taking ownership may not happen overnight, but it is well worth every effort that is made.

You and I deserve the gift of taking ownership.

This is the gift that God is offering us today!

"For He says, 'In an acceptable time I have heard you, and in the day of salvation I have helped you.' Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation." ~ 2 Corinthians 6:2 ~

Loving Ourselves

Have you ever noticed how praise and encouragement can change a person's behaviour more effectively than criticism?

How a child's face lights up when praise is given while she unfolds and blooms like a flower?

As opposed to criticisms which cause the child's countenance and demeanour to wilt like a flower in dire need of water?

Yet some of us struggle to apply this same principle to ourselves.

Instead of giving ourselves a pat on the shoulder for the things we do right, we beat ourselves up for the things we do wrong or which we fail to do perfectly.

I've discovered that there is a huge difference between humility and self-deprecation.

Humility is a virtue which adopts an attitude of lowliness; of meekness and submission in preference of someone's opinion or authority over our own.

Self-deprecation takes that attitude to a lower level and turns it derogatorily to the undervaluing and belittling of oneself. Problems arise when self-criticism leads to self-rejection and self-hatred.

Running ourselves down gives no glory to the One who created us with such intricate love, pride and joy.

When we think negatively of ourselves or treat ourselves unkindly, we dishonour God who has made us in His image.

We are saying to Him that He has made a mistake in creating us the way we are (with our different personalities and characters), or the way we look (our appearances).

It is God's intention that we 'nourish' and 'cherish' ourselves in the same manner that He nourishes and cherishes the church (Ephesians 5:29).

His second commandment says that we are to love our neighbours as ourselves (Matthew 22:39).

It is only when we are able to love ourselves in a healthy way (not the self-centred, arrogant kind of way) that we are able to love others in the way that Jesus asks us to.

We can only give out of what we have.

When I am critical of myself, I will also tend to be critical of others.

When I show grace to myself, I will also be more gracious towards others.

When I am able to love myself, I will have more love for other people.

It is time to stop beating up God's child.

And time to receive the healing love of our Heavenly Father.

To allow our head knowledge of His love for mankind to become a heart experience of His love for us individually and personally.

To let Him remove the sting from the negative experiences of the past, bind up our wounds, heal our broken hearts, and mend our broken dreams.

He really does love us.....so very, very much.....

He has a wonderful future all planned out for us; a purpose for us to fulfil that is beyond our imagination.

And because He loves us so much, we can love ourselves, too!


"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8:38 ~

"... Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you." ~ Jeremiah 31:3 ~

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." ~ Ephesians 5:29 ~

It's A New Day!

Our past can be filled with so many disappointments, hurts, and regrets that each time we go down memory lane, we come out more miserable than happy; more downcast than encouraged.

And we can be so stuck in those memories of pain that we find it difficult to move forward.

On my journey to wholeness, I have found it essential to be honest with myself and with God, to grieve my losses, to make peace with my past, and to let go.

To forgive and to be forgiven. And to make reconciliations where reconciliations are possible.

To declare that each day is a new day to begin afresh in God.

A clean slate to write on where yesterday's mistakes don't count.

A brand new day to cut off the old and embrace the new.

To identify the lies that have kept me in bondage and held me captive.

To stop thinking and behaving in the old ways that have gotten me stuck in the wilderness for far too long.

To learn new ways of thinking and behaving that will enable me to step out of that self-prolonged wilderness and into a new peace; a new joy; a new ability to love myself and others.

To stop beating up this beautiful creation whom God loves without reserve  - sometimes the hardest thing to do is to forgive ourselves.

To refuse to live with regrets and to let go of things that threaten to take away this new peace and joy that I've found in Him.

To remember the happy memories and purposefully push aside the sad ones.

To receive God's love and grace for today and to depend on His strength when mine is not enough.

To trust Him for a better tomorrow if today doesn't go as planned.

To live in the moment and cherish the blessings of each day.

Trusting that God will restore all that we had lost and bless our latter days more than our beginning.

So let's take courage and arise, for today is a new day!

"So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten...."
~ Joel 2:25 ~

"Instead of your shame you shall have double honour. And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs."
~ Isaiah 61:7 ~

"Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning...."
~ Job 42:12 ~

"The end of a thing is better than its beginning...."
~ Ecclesiastes 7:8 ~

When You Are Ready

I used to be able to speak in front of a group of people.

In fact, I've shared in a couple of small churches before as well as in front of the students in the university campus in my hometown where I used to teach.

But after the burnout/breakdown which the mental health professionals simply refer to as anxiety and/or depression, I discovered that even the simplest task could pose to be a challenge, let alone speaking in front of people. I remember writing about my frustrations and disappointment with myself for not being able to do what I used to be capable of.

While looking through my journal the other day, I found this entry dated a year ago. It was written in the form of a blog but I didn't have a blog site then to publish it:

[Life in the 21^st century has become like a frantic rat race. I wonder if God is ever in a hurry. Somehow, I can't picture Him rushing from one thing to another, getting all frazzled and flustered in the process like some of us do.

I read somewhere once that God lives in eternity; a place which is not bound by time.

We are the impatient ones; not God.

In life, we make mistakes and we take a fall from time to time. Sometimes, the fall is a particularly bad one and we need to take time to recover. Time to heal on the inside. Time to recover from exhaustion. Time to take baby steps before learning to run again.

Trying to rush the healing process can be counter-productive. It's like slitting a cocoon to help the butterfly emerge faster. Sadly, the butterfly is not ready and will die before its time.

I used to be able to speak in front of a group of people. When will I be able to do that again? I wonder.

When you are ready...... comes a whisper.

But what if I can never find the boldness to do that again? Because right now, I don't think that's ever going to happen.

You will.......

Immediately, Phil 4:13 comes to mind: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

But I don't feel strong at all. I feel the complete opposite. So very weak in every aspect.....

That's the best place to be..... for my power will be made manifest in your weakness.....

It is not by my own effort. Nor by my own strength. But by His Spirit to bring forth the breakthrough. “... Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,” says the Lord of hosts.” (Zechariah 4:6)

It is not my ability, but rather my availability. I only need to take the step that I am confident enough to take. God will supply the strength and courage that I need to take the next step.

One step at a time.......one day at a time.

When you are ready......

Eventually, I'll get there.]

And guess what?? 

Last week, I did get there! I actually shared in front of a group of people! It was the first time in years! Okay, so there were only ten of us present that night which wasn't exactly a a sizeable number. Nevertheless, it was still a breakthrough for me!

The best thing was that I wasn't stressing about it. Mainly because my husband was scheduled to share and I thought this was as good a time as any to see if I could do it; he was prepared to take over if my nerves failed me. It felt so good to be able to do it and I was stoked!

Also, my conviction that God is good and that He's not responsible for everything that happens to us had given me the courage to share this very topic.

The coolest thing that I've discovered about God is that He is never in a hurry. He has never rushed me into doing what I don't feel capable of. I've experienced such graciousness and gentleness from God that I've never known before.

What seems like a waste of time is time necessary for Him to do a deeper work of healing in me before the release of grace and boldness comes to take the next step.

Through it all, He faithfully showers me with His love and acceptance while affirming and encouraging me with loving reminders of His faith in me.

When I think I am ready, He helps me take the next step.

And if I fall flat on my face, He helps me get up and gently reminds me this:

Success is not measured by how well you've done a job. When you have given something a go, that, too, is a measure of success.

Failure is not the opposite of success. You only fail when you refuse to try. 

So don't be afraid to try. I'm there to catch you if you fall.

Take my hand and take the next step. I will help you get to where you're supposed to be........

“Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.” ~ Psalm 27:14

Our God Is A Good God

Have you ever received comments like the following: God is allowing you to go through this because He loves you and He thinks you can handle it? Or: He hand-picked you to be parents of a special needs child because He thinks you are special and He knows you can do it better than others?

Worse still, my husband and I once received a comment that went like this: "There must be sin in either of your lives or your ancestors' lives that is causing your son's autism."

This last comment along with other similar types of theology made me come under condemnation and kept me in bondage for a certain period of time in my life. That was the time when I tried to examine our lives for every possible sin to be confessed before God. It was a very tedious process, not to mention how limiting it became as I checked and double-checked myself for every thought, word, action, and intent of the heart. Well, if my son's autism was truly the result of sins in our lives, he should have been healed by the time I had finished all my self-examinations and confessions, including every possible sin that my ancestors before me might have committed!

As for comments like the first two that are meant to be encouraging, I also found them rather difficult to receive. Simply because it goes against my understanding of a loving God.

The loving God that I know is a Father who won't give his son a stone when he asks for bread, or a serpent when he asks for a fish (Matt 7:9,10).

How does giving me an autistic son be proof of God's love for me?

For quite some time now, I have been questioning the idea that suffering in the form of syndromes, disorders, sicknesses and diseases comes from God. For my entire Christian life, I have accepted God's sovereignty in all things, including suffering. This helps me deal with the question of why some people die young or some go through more suffering than others. Even though I have accepted that God's sovereignty is something to be revered rather than questioned, it has never completely sat well with me that God causes or allows us to go through suffering such as these in order to make us better people.

Just recently, I was led to a scripture which seems to support my belief that suffering comes from living in a fallen, sinful world that operates on the principles of sowing and reaping rather than from God. It has made me so excited that I simply must share it here!

"You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for He forgave all our sins. He cancelled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross." ~ Colossians 2:13,14 (NLT) ~

Isaiah 53:5 tells us that when Christ died on the cross in our place, "... He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins... beaten so we could be whole... [and] whipped so we could be healed." In other words, there are two sides to the cross: one side is for the forgiveness and redemption of our sins; the other side is for the healing and wholeness of our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits.

John 3:17 says "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." The word 'saved' is the word sozo in the original Greek text which means 'to heal, preserve, do well, save (self), be made whole' (Strong's Concordance Greek Dictionary Entry #4982). This confirms that Jesus died on the cross for a two-fold purpose: 1. the forgiveness of our sins; and 2. the healing and restoration of our whole being.

So, in my understanding, Colossians 2:14 is saying that God cancelled every charge against us by nailing it to the cross when Jesus was crucified. This means that every sin and sickness that causes pain, sorrow and suffering has been nailed to the cross. Which also means that if God took the trouble to nail every suffering to the cross, why would He give it to us in the first place?

To me, it seems logical to believe that suffering doesn't come from God. God can't give us what He doesn't have. I don't think He has autism, so He can't give us autism. Neither does he have cancer or any other diseases that lead to death, so He can't give us those either.

If I believe that suffering comes from God or that God allows it, then it goes against the very nature of who God is and His good intentions, plans and purposes for our lives. It nullifies what Jesus did when He died for us on the cross.

Furthermore, if I believe that God is out to punish me by causing or allowing sufferings so as to make me a better person, I will not be able to develop a secure relationship with Him. I will be fearful all the time and constantly examining myself to see if I have sinned today and to make sure I confess every single sin to avoid His rebuke and punishment. I've done all that and it didn't get me anywhere. If anything, it made me even more introspective and sin-conscious. Instead, when I focus on the goodness of God and His gentle, kind, and loving nature, I experience the love, joy and peace that He offers us. So, it serves me better to believe that God is good, all the time. That He loves us passionately and wants the best for us, no matter what our circumstances tell us.

The Bible says we are to give thanks in all things (I Thess 5:18), not for all things. This tells me that God is not responsible for everything that we go through.

Nevertheless, I do believe that when we go through sufferings, God is able to help us endure them, provide the relief that we need, and sometimes even miraculously deliver us from them. He is such a big God that He can make good come out of adverse situations, which gives us hope and provides the platform for our faith to grow.

Keeping my hope and faith anchored in a God who loves me unconditionally and who wants what's best for me keeps my heart soft and tender towards Him. Instead of turning away from Him and blaming Him for my son's autism as well as the unpleasant things that happen in my life, I want to defend Him and call on Him when I need help.

I do not have the answers to a lot of questions in life. Like why some people get healed while others don't.

But what I do know that is that whatever I choose to believe needs to draw me closer to the One who alone can give me what I need to navigate through the challenges of life. Like peace in the midst of turmoil and uncertainty, hope in the depths of despair, and joy in the threshold of sorrow and pain. It is vital for me to keep my heart free from being offended by Him because He has failed at times to answer my prayer on my terms. I need to focus on what He has done rather than what He hasn't done. He has shown Himself to be ever present and faithful during my times of need in the past. And I know He will continue to do so because He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).

I choose to believe that our God is a good God; that He has wonderful plans for our lives and amazing things ahead of us. That even when we make mistakes and make messes of our lives, He can turn things around and bring good out of our messes.

This belief sets me free to expect and receive more of God's love and goodness.

It fills me with hope to believe that the best is yet to come!

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! For his mercy endures forever."
~ Psalm 136:1 ~

"For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting, and his truth endures to all generations." ~ Psalm 100:5 ~

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good...." ~ Psalm 34:8 ~

More Than Meets The Eye

The story of the prodigal or lost son is a story that has hugely impacted my understanding of God's love for us. Interestingly, this story was recorded only in the book of Luke (Luke 15:11-32) and nowhere else in the other gospels.

It never ceases to amaze me the unconditional love that the father in that story has for his wayward son: the younger son who demands his inheritance before it is time for it to be distributed, and then squanders it all away in reckless and sinful living. When the son is finally brought so low that he is even envious of the food that the pigs are eating, he realizes that his father's servants are better fed than him. In deep shame and humility, he goes back to his father, intending to ask for forgiveness and to be taken on as a hired hand.

This is where it gets me. The father apparently has been looking out for his son day after day, hoping that his son will come back to him. From afar, he sees his son coming. Filled with love and compassion, he literally runs to his son. I mean, there is no thought of  'Hmm....let's see why he's back and if he's sorry for leaving the way he did.' Instead, the father falls on his son's neck and kisses him before the son says anything. He then asks his servants to bring the best robe to put on him, a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet.  And finally, the fatted calf is to be killed for a feast to celebrate the return of the son who was dead and is alive again, who was lost and is now found.

How many of us have done the same thing as the prodigal son in doing things our way rather than His? Or when things don't go the way we want them to, we struggle with frustration and disappointment. Finally, after we have tried everything in our own strength, we come crawling back to our Heavenly Father to humbly seek His forgiveness and to ask Him to help us.

And what does God do? He sees us approaching His throne from afar, runs to us, embraces us and kisses us. No questions asked. Only grace, total forgiveness, love and restoration. When we see how willingly and completely He accepts us back unto Himself, remorse and gratitude pours forth from our hearts all at the same time. Our confession of having done wrong gushes out of our mouths not because we fear He will not forgive us until we do so, but because we are so overwhelmed by His love and willingness to forgive whether we do so or not.

Our Heavenly Father wipes our slates clean and keeps no record of our wrong-doings. He is ever willing to give us a new start with fresh provisions and the assurance of His absolute love and acceptance.

As for the older brother, he is in a way as lost as his younger brother. Not in the  irresponsible and prodigal ways of his younger brother, but in his inability to welcome his brother back. When he discovers that his father is throwing a party to celebrate the return of his younger brother, he reacts in hurt and anger. Why? His younger brother had deserted them all earlier to pursue his own happiness while he, the older more responsible son, continued to serve their father at home. Now, his brother has returned and his father has killed the fatted calf for a feast to celebrate the brother's homecoming. For all that he's done for his father, he has never even been given a young goat to feast with his friends.

I can totally understand the jealousy and sense of injustice that the older brother feels. To me, his feelings are completely natural and I would also struggle if I were in his shoes. However, as justifiable as I think those feelings are, that does not make them right. The story goes on to say that the older brother tells his father how he feels (I'm so glad he did!) and this is how his father answers him. Notice that there is no hint of disapproval of his reaction in his father's reply.

"Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found." (Luke 15:31,32)

This is what I believe the father is saying in my own words: Son, your loyalty and devotion to me has not gone unnoticed. I so deeply value you that all I have is yours. Your brother's return is something that needs to be celebrated because he has recognised the error of his ways and has come home to make amends. Our rejoicing doesn't diminish your value and standing in my eyes. So, come and celebrate your brother's return with me and be secure in my love for you. I have more than enough for both of you!

God has certainly more than enough for each of us, His children. We never need to fear any lack or be jealous of those who seem to be more favoured than us. Or those who have done more things to grieve the Father but yet restored without a word when they come back to Him. For those who have been diligently serving the Lord all their lives and sometimes wonder if their faithfulness has even been noticed, this parable tells us that God does notice. He notices that the faithful ones are always with him, and he promises that all He has is theirs.

The younger brother needs God's forgiveness, love and restoration in the things that he has done wrong. Likewise, the older brother needs the same thing from God in his self-righteousness and the wrong attitude(s) of his heart. As much as the older brother is judging his younger brother for the wrong things he has done, he, too, needs the grace and forgiveness that his father wants him to show towards his brother.

Each time when I come before God in repentance of something that I have done wrong, whether it is in word or action or a wrong attitude of the heart, I feel like the prodigal son being embraced by his father in complete forgiveness, love and restoration. I know that His forgiveness of me is not dependent on my confession, for He had already forgiven all of my sins when Jesus died on the cross more than two thousand years ago. I confess because doing so makes me feel restored to right standing with God. It's more for my sake than His. It opens the doorway for me to become intimate with my Father again. It also keeps me humble and makes me value my relationship with Him instead of taking Him for granted.

In addition, this story reminds me that like everyone else, I am a sinner saved by grace. If I have any wrong attitude in my heart, I am no better than someone who has committed a crime that is worthy of imprisonment or the death sentence. As much as I dislike being judged by others, I, too, have judged them. I am so in need of the Father's love and grace to help me overcome the sins I struggle with. My challenge is to show others the same love and grace that the Father showers me with, especially those who have wounded me. Without His help, this can be an impossible feat at times.

Yet, I believe this is the way God designed it. He knows the Christian walk is an impossible one. This is why He makes the provision of His help available to us. It is His intent to make us dependent on Him. To acknowledge that we cannot do things in our own strength, only in His (Phil 4:13). And that without Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5).

There is so much to this parable than meets the eye. It is not just about one lost son; the other one is equally lost but in a different way. As I reflect on this story, I find that there is so much to ponder over and so much to learn from.

There are truly many treasures to be discovered in God's Word!