When I Think God Says Wait

I love Holley's blog posts. I really do. They're so insightful, affirming and encouraging. I've found them to speak lovingly and powerfully into my life many times.

This week, Holley has a few questions for us to answer: What part of your dream feels the riskiest? Have you ever had people misunderstand or disagree with your dream? What do you do when your dream is scary or when others don’t support you?

There are two parts to my dream, which is to write. One is to start a blog, which I have done and which I hope to continue. The other is to write and publish a book about my journey.

For me, the riskiest part about my dream so far is the fear of being judged when I tell my story. Not just for me, but also for my family because this is their story, too. I will need to make sure they are comfortable with the contents of the manuscript before it can be turned into a book. My present draft has failed to meet this main criterion, so I've got to do more work on it.

Letting my son go had been made doubly hard by the fact that the act of doing so had caused the resurfacing of previous trauma that I had experienced in my early childhood. I thought I had dealt sufficiently with the trauma in the past, but apparently there were deeper layers (like the proverbial onion) to be worked through and healed. Friends who didn't completely understand what I was going through tried to help me heal from my grief according to their time frame rather than mine. As a result, I've found it simpler to withdraw into my own little world where God is my confidant, counsellor, and comforter.

Deep within me, however, is the desire to tell my story. Not to blame the people who have wounded me, misjudged me, or rejected me, but as a monument of the steps I am taking towards owning all that had happened to me in my life, and choosing to see every adversity as an opportunity for God to bring good out of each situation. In the small, limited ways that I am able to, I want to contribute and to make a difference.

Like Paul, it is my goal to be able to say at the end of the day: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Tim 4:7). And to hear God say in return: "...Well done, good and faithful servant.... Enter into the joy of your Lord." (Matt 25:21)

Maybe my dream of producing such a book is meant to be tested by time. Maybe God intends for me to experience greater healing before it makes its way out there. This is what I tell myself to keep the dream alive.

For now, I am grateful just to be alive. To be able to keep house for my family, and to write a post on my blog every now and then. After all that I've been through, I am grateful I'm still able to stand. And smile.......and laugh.....

To take courage and draw strength from scriptures such as the following:

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed."
~ 2 Cor 4:8,9 ~

"...My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
~ 2 Cor 12:9 ~

Maybe one day the second part of my dream will come true. When that happens, I know it will truly be by God's grace, in His time, and for His glory.

Linking up with:

Pay It Forward

A few years ago when unrelenting stress finally got the upper hand and rendered me unable to function, a lovely lady from church came alongside to walk me over the hump.

I had no idea what was happening to me, except that everything seemed insurmountable and I felt completely overwhelmed. Crying was the only thing that I seemed to be able to do with ease.

My newly-found friend explained to me that I was suffering from burnout and that I needed to go and see the doctor who would most likely prescribe some medication. She arranged for another friend to take me and recommended that I took some time away from my family so that I could rest. She understood the extra demands that having a special needs child had on me. The following week, she checked to see how I was doing and continued to do so in the ensuing weeks.

Each time we met or spoke over the phone, Chris would remind me of how much God loved me and taught me how to rest in the knowledge of that love. She patiently listened as I poured out the deep pain that was piercing my heart. There was no judgment; no condemnation. Before long, I was telling her all that my heart contained which I needed to release. Along with a listening ear, there was complete acceptance, grace, affirmation and love, with lots of prayer and encouragement. It was like encountering God in human form!

When I later told Chris how much I owed her for all that she was investing in me, all she said was: Someday you'll do the same for someone who needs it.

At the end of last year, a friend who has an autistic son rang me up late one night in a panic and asked me for help with something. Early the next morning, she rang me again in tears. Her husband was overseas and she didn't know what to do.

Having been down the road of stress and burnout, I recognized that my friend was going through the same experience. I was able to advise her what to do in the same way that Chris had done for me. I also took her to see the service provider for our sons to ask for more support during this time. Every week until her husband returned, I rang my friend to see how she was doing, encouraged her and prayed for her. Even now, as she and her husband are exploring options for full-time care for their son, my husband and I are the ones they turn to for advice and support.

The concept of paying it forward is a powerful one. I've had the privilege being a part of such an experience in two other instances. 

One was the gift of an old piano when we first set up our home in the city we now live in. When we were able to buy a newer one, we passed that piano on to another family, whom we requested to pass on to the next family if and when they bought their own. That old piano has recently been gifted to another family in our life group. It may be old but it can still make music. The gift goes on!

The second pay-it-forward gift that we received was a two-night getaway for my husband and myself. The couple who gifted that to us were themselves the recipients of a similar gift and wanted to pass it on. We had likewise paid that forward to another couple who in turn had passed it on.

Whenever we do something for others, the concept of paying it forward will help us do so without expecting anything in return from the people whom we are blessing. Somehow, the blessings will come back through other sources, and sometimes in the ways we least expect.

Most importantly, we know we are honouring the One who gave us the greatest gift in the first place - the gift of His Son who in turn gives us life and everything we need through His death and resurrection.

And when I do something that reminds me of what others have done for me, I thank God for them and say a prayer of blessing over them.

May the gift of God's love get transferred from our hearts through our words and actions to the hearts of others!

"And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.'"
~ Matthew 25:40 ~

Linking up with:

The Power of Encouragement

I can so relate to Holley's post entitled "Why you need to be recharged more than you realize".

In her post, Holley writes: "When Jesus in you touches someone else in a meaningful way power goes out from you too. And that is why you need rest and to be recharged more than you realize. You might have a heartfelt conversation that encourages a friend. Or you could show tenderness with one of your children that requires an extra measure of grace. Perhaps you navigate through a difficult ethical situation at work and manage to make a difference. In all of those, God’s power has gone out from you. Yet instead of realizing that we berate ourselves for feeling tired. We believe we should be able to do it all, all the time.  That’s not the way we’re created. And when we live without recognizing that power is going out from us we wind up exhausted and burned out."

Just last week, my family and I were having a discussion about the differences between extroverts and introverts. Extroverts are outgoing and bubbly as they get energized through meeting and talking to all kinds of people. They attract people everywhere they go and appear to be the more favoured personality type in Western cultures. Introverts, on the other hand, find it a challenge to be comfortable in a crowd and prefer to be with just one or two others. It can be draining for them to spend lengthy time talking to people, so having sufficient alone time to get recharged is crucial for an introvert.

Being an introvert myself, I realize there are many things that I used to do which depleted energy that didn't get sufficiently replaced. Now, I am learning to pace myself by interlacing draining activities with ones that I find pleasurable and energizing.

It is so important to develop self-awareness, to discover what makes us tick and how we function best under different circumstances, and to learn to capitalize on our strengths while drawing on God's. We can learn to accept our limitations and weaknesses without being ashamed of them by turning them into opportunities for God to work and shine through them.

God has a wonderful plan and purpose for each and everyone of us that He wants to help us fulfil. Yes, even for some of us who have become so weary that we doubt there's anything we can achieve. Or some of us who have a burning passion or have started working towards a dream and get discouraged when obstacles get in the way or when God says wait.

For those of us who struggle with insecurities, we need to look to Him for our value and worth because ours may have somehow gotten warped by past unpleasant experiences or hurtful words that have left wounds and scars.

Because no matter what you may think about yourself, God sees you as His beautiful creation with a wealth of giftings, talents, and resources that your sphere of influence needs. There is no one like you or who can do what you alone can do. You reflect an aspect of God that no one else does. You have the power to show love, bring hope and touch lives. We need your uniqueness, your gifts, your input. We are not complete without you.

As you keep your eyes on God, He will help you see the beauty that He sees in you and why He believes in you.

He celebrates you for the way that He made you and longs to help make those wealth of treasures that He has laid within you shine so others can share in their beauty and glory.

You are beautiful.

You are amazing.

You are loved!

So, let's keep on keeping on, trample on our fears, and reach for the stars.

Together, we can do it!

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward."
~ Hebrews 10:35 ~

Linking up with:

A Night To Remember

Last Sunday night, my husband was given tickets for our family to attend a live match of the ANZ Championship 2013 between LG Mystics (Auckland team) and Central Pulse (Wellington team). These series of netball matches pit the top five regional teams from New Zealand against the top five regional teams from Australia. 

Before the event was scheduled to begin at 7pm, my husband, daughter and I were to meet the Relationship Manager of his company's bank for dinner at a restaurant-cum-bar nearby the stadium. It was a pleasure to meet our lovely hostess for the evening, Sharon, as well as her other clients.

What we had thought would be a fun and interesting evening turned out to be more than we had bargained for, with a totally unexpected twist right at the end!

We ordered our drinks at the counter and proceeded to our table to decide what we wanted to have for dinner. My husband and I both ordered the good ole Kiwi fish and chips while our daughter opted for a beef burger with chips.

As we were waiting for our meals to arrive, we chatted with Sharon and her client friend, Fiona, who both played in the same netball team. My husband nipped across to another table to meet Sharon's other client and his family.

We chatted and waited. Then we waited some more and hoped our meals would arrive soon so we could make it to the game in good time. Sharon went to make some enquiries and was asked if either my husband or I could change our order as the restaurant had run out of fish. My husband promptly changed his order to honey BBQ pork ribs and chips, bless him!

Eventually, Sharon's order made its appearance first at our table. Fiona's burger followed shortly after, and Sharon's client and his family at the other table soon received their meals. However, the three of us continued to wait.

Finally, one of the waitresses came over to us and apologised for the delay, explaining that there had been a mix-up with the orders and it would take another ten minutes or so. Furthermore, the mix-up meant that they had totally run out of the fish they usually used for fish and chips. So, I would have to settle for something that sounded like bar fish. I had no idea what to expect!

Another ten minutes of waiting meant we wouldn't have enough time to eat if we wanted to be in time for the game. By now, we had waited a full hour and the others had all finished their meals. So we asked for our food to be packed to go. Hopefully, the stadium would allow us to bring in outside food.

I looked thoughtfully at my handbag and it seemed big enough to accommodate the food if the restaurant could pack it in small containers and put them inside a plastic bag to prevent any spillage. Maybe we could sneak the food in at the entrance.

Alas, the containers were BIG! I might be able to fit one and a half of them in my handbag, if that was possible. And believe it or not, the restaurant didn't have plastic bags! Not a single one! Neither could they provide us with plastic cutlery. At best, we could borrow their real cutlery which we would need to return later.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing - the restaurant had neither plastic bags nor takeaway cutlery! It was hard to remain calm when we were racing against time. I almost felt sorry for the flustered waitress who was trying to apologise. I said almost. It was a good thing Sharon was handling the whole situation because I wasn't sure if I could have handled it as professionally as she did.

When we stepped out of the restaurant to start our five-minute walk to the stadium, it was beginning to rain again. Upon reaching the stadium under our rain jackets and umbrellas and with our containers of food in full view, we were told at the entrance that we could not take commercial food inside and had to either leave it in our vehicle or eat it before going in.

The former wasn't an option as our car was parked back at the restaurant. Besides, we were ravenous by now! So, we sat ourselves down on a dry spot next to the entrance and tried to wolf down our dinner, pretending that no one could see us while they were queueing up to go in. The bar fish or whatever it was, was a real disappointment. It was rubbery and had a strange taste. However, I didn't have time to mull over it as I was concentrating on trying to chew as fast as I could.

At one stage, Sharon came to check on us. I was aghast to realise that she and Fiona had been waiting for us at the entrance while we were having our dinner! I thought my husband had told them to go in first so they wouldn't miss the game.

Regretfully I closed the lid on the rest of my chips, binned it and hurried inside the stadium with the others. We went up the stairs and passed one block of seating after another in search of a row of five empty seats. Spotting lots of vacant seats at the second-to-last block, we settled down to watch the game that had already begun.

The game proved to be really exciting. Even though Central Pulse appeared to be the stronger team and was ahead by an average margin of five points, LG Mystics somehow managed to close the gap till extra time was called to decide the draw. It was a nail-biting neck and neck race between the two teams throughout the entire extra time of fourteen minutes. The crowd roared and cheered wildly when Mystics finally won by 69-68! A mere one point; its first win of the season!

It was an unbelievable victory for the Mystics! But the highlight of the evening for us had yet to come.

It was Sharon who spotted him first.

Standing in the vacant last block of seats next to ours together with a couple of people was Piri Weepu, one of the rugby players for the NZ All Blacks. Weepu agreed to a photograph when Sharon approached him and my daughter joined them for the unexpected and once-in-a-lifetime snapshot. Well, two, to be exact, but one of them didn't turn out well.

Despite the frustrating start with the dinner, it had turned out to be an exciting and incredible evening with my family and new friends.

An interesting and memorable break from doing anything related to pursuing my God-sized dreams while I watched others pursue theirs.

And a good reminder that when we make the best of a less-than-ideal situation, sometimes there's an unexpected bonus at the end!

Linking up with:

Leaning In To Hear Him

I love my alone time with God. Time when I bask in His presence and let His love refresh and rejuvenate me as I discover the joy of yielding to Him. I especially love it when I receive some nuggets of insights that open my spiritual eyes and make my spirit soar. Like the time when He sat with me out on the deck and gave me His fresh manna.

As I've been trying to hear what God is speaking to my heart to write in my blog for this week, this well-known prayer known as The Serenity Prayer keeps coming back to me.

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer has been so close to my heart for the past few years that I have practically adopted it as my own! 

Trying to change the things that either cannot be changed or are not meant for me to change only brings about frustration and discouragement. The ability to accept things for what they are is key to peace being restored to my soul.

As for things I can change, oh how I need the courage to do so!

But what makes it tricky is the ability to tell if something can be changed or not. Or whether it is the time to push for things to happen or to wait. This is where I need God's wisdom. And I need His grace to help me do what I cannot do in my own strength.

For a season of time, I've been taking comfort from the following scriptures and letting God fight my battles for me:

"But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord's victory...." ~ 2 Chronicles 20:17 (NLT) ~

"'Be strong and courageous! Don't be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria or his mighty army, for there is a power far greater on our side! He may have a great army, but they are merely men. We have the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!' Hezekiah's words greatly encouraged the people." 
~ 2 Chronicles 32:7,8 (NLT) ~

"When you hear the blast of the trumpet, rush to wherever it is sounding. Then our God will fight for us!" ~ Nehemiah 4:20 (NLT) ~

Knowing that God fights for me takes a huge load off my shoulders. 

Recently though, God has brought me back to the story of Moses leading the people of Israel across the Red Sea not once, but a few times. When God speaks a few times, I really need to listen!

The story is picked up in Exodus 14 where the Israelites found themselves caught between a rock and a hard place. There was the Red Sea before them and Pharaoh's army chasing them from behind. It was an impossible situation! Trying to prevent the people from panicking as they cried out to the Lord to save them, Moses told them not to be afraid but to stand still and see the salvation of God as He fought for them. However, God had one more thing for Moses to do before He miraculously saved them. He told Moses to pick up his staff and raise his hand over the sea so as to divide the water for the Israelites to cross over to the other side (verse 16).

I think God is reminding me that often times, there are things that I need to do before He can do His part. Like Moses had to stretch out his staff over the sea in order for it to part. Or that the people of Judah and Jerusalem won the battle not by fighting but by singing and praising God. Something that has to be done on our part to win the battle, but which may be different each time.

Last week while writing about the chihuahua of fear, a sense of warfare came over me and I felt liberated by addressing my fear in the way that Holley asked us to. It felt so good!

In order to know what to do and when to do it, I need to lean in to God to hear what He's saying. Because often times, He speaks through scriptures, circumstances, other people, or He whispers softly to my heart. When I don't take the time to listen, I miss it.

If I may, this then is my humble rendition of the Serenity Prayer:

God grant us the wisdom and serenity

to know what to do and when to do it;

to not rush ahead of You and trip over ourselves;

or to get stuck in our comfort zone or sense of helplessness.

Give us the ears to hear what You're saying,

and the courage to obey what we're hearing.

Give us the faith to believe You for more,

and the grace to wait when You say so!

Linking up with:

Get Ready To Roar

I like what Holley says about fear: Fear is nothing to be afraid of - it's just the door we push through to get to the other side. And we never have to be ready - only willing.
In her recently released book, Holley writes:

“Fear hangs out right next to whatever it is you’re most called to do. That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds. Keep going–fear is a chihuahua that sounds like a Doberman.” — You’re Made for a God-sized Dream, Chapter Five

This week, our assignment is to write a letter to the chihuahua of fear in our lives. When I think of a chihuahua, immediately I see a picture in my head of Reese Witherspoon in pink with her inseparable chihuahua in a colour-matching outfit, as seen in the movies, Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2!

A google search on chihuahuas led me to discover that they're the smallest breed of dogs and they bark at the slightest thing, be it out of fear or excitement.

Well, my chihuahua of fear has certainly been making a lot of noises despite its size. Fear has been a huge part of my entire life. I battle it constantly, particularly so as I recover from stress and burnout. No doubt, I have played a major role in lending it more power than it has, thus making it appear larger than it actually is. It reminds me of this cartoon drawing that I once saw of a little mouse speaking through a loudspeaker behind the curtains. He got caught out when the lights came on! Ha!

So, here goes my letter....

Hey you, chihuahua of fear,

I have some things I'd like to say to you. You've been making way too much noise and I've been intimidated for far too long. Now that I can see you clearly for what you are, I'm sending you packing.

You've been lurking in the shadows and around the corners, trying to trip me up at every opportunity. You've made me believe your lies and had me literally eating out of your hands at times. Now don't start sniggering. What? Now you're rolling on the floor in belly-aching and side-splitting laughter, pounding both fists on the floor with tears streaming down your face! Why, you no-good little ........

I'm glad I found the switch to put the lights on so I can see you for what you are. You're nothing but a liar working to steal all the dreams that God has for me, kill my hopes, and destroy me totally. I mean, look at you, you're just a little thing while my God is so big!

You know what? I'm going out to buy me some ear plugs so I won't have to listen to your lies anymore. And I'm going to renew my mind with the Word of God and meditate on what He says instead.

Every day I'm going to put on the armour of God as described in Ephesians 6: the girdle of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit.

I know you're going to come knocking on my door again, but I'm going to be extra vigilant to be sure I'm not letting you in. You've managed to sneak in too many times and even wormed your way to join me at my dining table. I've fed you so much that you actually need to lose some weight! In fact, I didn't even realise that I've let you sleep over so often that you've practically moved into my basement!

Now see here, this is the door, so go! SHOO! Take your other relatives with you! And don't come back! You're not welcome here! ROAR!!!

THE WAR IS ON!

Your enemy,
Sara

My, doesn't it feel good to evict unwanted tenants! The key is not to let them in again!

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." 
~ John 10:10 ~

"Finally, brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." 
~ Ephesians 6:10,11 ~

Linking up with:

Fresh Manna for The Day

I grab my Bible, notebook and pen and head outside. The sun is shining brilliantly in the cloudless blue sky.

I make my way down the steps that lead to our deck. There, I make myself comfortable in a spot where sunlight is peering through the rustling leaves of a tree.

Breathing in the lingering freshness of the morning air, I close my eyes, grateful for this time of quietness and solitude to tell God all that's in my heart and to hopefully hear Him speak to me.

As I feel the presence of God settling over me while the sun warms my face, a scripture verse about being still in His presence comes to mind.....in one of the psalms.

I flick open my Bible to the book of Psalms and thumb through to an underlined verse with the words Be still.

Psalm 46:10, that's it.

"Be still, and know that I am God...." (emphasis mine)

I am reminded of what a pastor's wife once shared with me regarding the Hebrew meaning of the word still in this same scripture. In addition to the meanings of 'to cease', 'to abate', 'to be slack', 'to weaken', etc., still also means 'cure', 'heal', 'repair', 'make whole'.

The revelation is that as we cease from our activities and strife before God, we are healed, cured and made whole! How awesome is that!

All this happens as we make our refuge in God and find our strength in Him.
(Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.")

What about the Hebrew meaning of know?

I nip back into the house for my Strong's Concordance and lug it back to my spot on the deck. Well, not the exact spot, to be exact. I now have to move a little to be slightly in the shade as it is getting warmer.

Eagerly, I look up the meaning of know and as I suspected, it's the same Hebrew word 'yada' (pronounced 'yaw-dah'). This word is used in a variety of senses, with meanings ranging from being acquainted with to having an intimate knowledge of, as in a man knowing a woman.

Putting all these definitions together in my own words, Psalm 46:10 now reads -

As you cease from all activities, strife, fear, anxiety (and all other negative emotions) before Me, you will be healed and made whole (in your body, soul and spirit). Then you will know Me intimately, be assured of My love for you, and be filled with the revelation that I am truly God over your life and over all your circumstances!

This is so exciting! I love it when I receive nuggets of gold like this: revelations that help me find my refuge and rest in Him when challenges threaten to steal away my peace and joy.

Filled with fresh manna from the Lord, I pack up my stuff and head back into the house to do the next thing on my list for the day.

Linking up with:

The Joy of Yieldedness

I used to have this idea that God's love for me and acceptance of me had to be earned. That His favour and blessings were released on those who performed to His standard and expectations.

I was miserable, to say the least! No matter how hard I tried, I kept feeling that I had failed to achieve the standard that He required of me.

God wasn't the hard taskmaster I had made Him out to be. I was!

It took a paradigm shift and a complete burnout for me to realise that I no longer had to work for His love and approval. The burnout meant that I had neither the energy nor the motivation to do anything, much less perform for anyone.

Isn't it interesting how we often have to reach our lowest in order to tap into what's available all along? To finally stop our futile struggling and discover the ease and joy of yielding to the One who has been trying to impart to us this important truth?

I had to reach the end of myself to discover that I'm called a human BE-ing for a reason: the BE-ing precedes the DO-ing. I can't do until I first discover who I am in Him.

I am a child of the Most High God (Ps 82:6b) forgiven (Eph 4:32), loved (I John 3:1), and cherished (Eph 5:29). I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37); I will not be crushed or destroyed (2 Cor 4:8,9). His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9). I can trust Him to work good out of whatever situation I find myself in (Rom 8:28) because He is for me (Rom 8:31). His thoughts of me are all good and filled with hope for the future (Jer 29:11). I can totally entrust myself to the One who has loved me with an everlasting love (Jer 31:3) and who will restore health to me and heal me of my wounds (Jer 31:17). The list goes on....

Out of the BE-ing flows the DO-ing.

From time to time, I still need to be reminded not to rush ahead of Him and get back into the performance-oriented rut that I used to be in.

As I sit at His feet, bask in His presence, and soak up His love for me, I can even be thankful for the burnout that has brought me to this place.

The place where I am discovering the gift of total surrender, complete abandon, and the joy of yieldedness.

The place where everything that I do flows from.....

“...He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you in his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” ~ Zephaniah 3:17 ~

Linking up with:

A Letter to the God-sized Dreamers

Hey there, my God-sized dreaming buddies,

Please don't let the term God-Sized Dream intimidate you. Here's what it means, in Holley's words:

 "God-sized Dream = A desire in your heart for more of what God has for you."

So, a God-sized dream can be as big as uprooting yourself to become a missionary in a different land.

Or it can be whatever you do everyday, like going to work or staying home to raise your kids.

Whatever it is, there's a sense that God has something more for you.

Something that makes your heart beat a little faster.....that you feel passionate about......that makes you come alive......that brings you joy!

Even if you aren't clear at this stage what that dream is, it's there, waiting to be conceived, nurtured, encouraged, and to be birthed in due time.

We need each others' dreams. Because we aren't complete on our own.

Our dreams grow us to become who God intends us to be. Our spirits soar in unison with His Spirit as our dreams take shape, grow, sprout wings and eventually take flight.

I believe that each one of us, with our unique personalities and talents, reflect a facet of God's nature that no one else can replace. In pursuing our dreams, we allow the people around us to see and enjoy the beauty of that particular aspect of God that we would otherwise miss out on.

That's right, there is no one else who can be who you are and do what only you can do. The beauty of your uniqueness is meant to be shared with the people around you because it is such a blessing.

It feels scary, you say? I know, I'm scared, too. Scared silly, as Holley would say. (By the way, Holley's new book You're Made for a God-sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You has been released. Congratulations, Holley!)

This is why I've included some quotes about courage at the end of this letter for all of you and for me, too!

I kind of think that we owe it to ourselves (if not to God and the people around us) to discover the potential that God sees in our lives.

And I believe God's grace is there to meet our every need as we go after those dreams. Even when it gets tough at times.

Let's take courage from Him and from one another as we take the next step.

He believes in us.

And I believe in you.


Your friend,

Sara


Some quotes about courage:

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of my fear. (Michael Hyatt)

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. (Victor Hugo)

Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are travelling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. (Meg Cabot) 

"And David said to his son Solomon, 'Be strong and of good courage; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God - my God - will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.'"
 ~ I Chronicles 28:20 ~

"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all of you who hope in the Lord." ~ Psalm 31:24 ~


Linking up with:

A God-sized dream story

This week, Holley's "do what you can" step for our God-sized dream is to write about how we're inspired by a God-sized dream story of someone in Scripture, our family, our community or the great, big world out there online.

There are a few people who have inspired me that I will mention here. In particular, I'm going to write about one person whose online sermons I listened to again and again while I was going through the dark-night-of-my soul experience.

His name is Kris Vallotton and he's the senior associate leader of Bethel Church in Redding, California where Bill Johnson is the senior pastor. I have been deeply impacted by both men's ministries which seek to bring the experiences of heaven to earth and to operate in the supernatural like Jesus did.

Having prayed and pursued healing for my son's autism for years without seeing any change, I know how disheartening it can get. However, my husband and I have determined in our hearts that we are not going to get offended by what God hasn't done but instead to celebrate what He has done. Not just in our lives but in the lives of others, some of whom with testimonies that are way out of this world! We choose not to lower the standard of God's Word to our level of experience. Simply because by having our faith anchored in a God who heals, it gives us hope to carry on.

While in the pursuit of Joseph's healing especially when we came to the crossroad of having to consider residential care as an option a few years ago, I discovered a greater purpose: the pursuit of the Healer rather than the healing; of seeking the face of God (to discover who He is) rather than the hand of God (what He can do). 

But in the midst of the stress and anxiety of planning to let Joseph go into full-time care, I lost sight of this purpose for a while and had to learn the hard way that there are certain things that can only be received through rest rather than strife. In fact, the more I walk with God, the more I am learning that it's all about resting in Him and letting Him do things through us. During this time, part of the thing that kept me going was listening to Kris' messages like "Living Powerfully", "Living in Wholeness", and "Spirit War"; just to name a few.

Kris speaks from his personal experience of a nervous breakdown which lasted three and a half years during the early years of his marriage. His struggles with anxiety and how he overcomes them resonate deeply with me. His teachings on how the devil gains access into our lives to create havoc through our thoughts that become strongholds in our minds are so powerful. I used to listen over and over again to how he exhorts his audience to be kind to yourself, to nourish and cherish yourself as Christ does the church, to not lie down but keep walking when going through the valley of the shadow of death, because this, too shall pass. These exhortations based on the word of God were like water to a parched land; hope to a despairing soul.

Today, Kris' prophetic insight as well as humorous delivery has made him a much sought-after international conference speaker. His personal testimony of deliverance from fear and torment brings hope and freedom to thousands of people. He has written several books, including the best-selling "Supernatural Ways of Royalty".

To me, it is so refreshing to hear someone share his struggles with great transparency, and at the same time with such insights and revelations that I feel empowered to believe that I, too, can be an overcomer. I loved it when Kris said in some of his sermons that he was speaking to himself as much as he was speaking to his audience. That out of one's test comes the test-imony; out of one's mess comes forth the mess-age.

Out of the mess that I found myself in came the discovery of how much God loves me, yes, even when I was at rock bottom and totally unlovable! It is with this message in mind that I am writing a book based on my journey which I hope to be able to publish in the not-so-distant future.

This discovery was a huge revelation for someone like me who has struggled with self-acceptance most of her life. That is why I find Holley so encouraging with her constant words of exhortation that we are already amazing just the way we are! By the way, Holley is the best-selling author of "You're Already Amazing" and her second book "You're Made for a God-Sized Dream" officially releases next week.

So, thank you, Kris, and Bill, and Holley, for your messages of hope and courage that have helped me move forward and enabled me to start dreaming again!

Linking up with:

What to say yes to

This week, together with the other God-sized dreamers, we're to write about one of the things we choose to decrease in our lives so our dreams can thrive. As Holley Gerth wrote, "Sometimes even what’s good can crowd out what’s best."

When I start thinking about what I need to say 'no' or 'not now' or 'not so much' to, I realise that it's not so much having to say 'no' to what's already on my plate. It's more about what to say 'no' to as things come my way. 

I used to say yes to most things. Actually, I can't remember saying no to anything! Simply because those things were expected of me. My paternal grandmother used to remind me when I was growing up, "Be a good girl for your [adoptive] parents (I was given away to my father's brother when I was two); if they don't want you, you can't go back to your real parents as they wouldn't want you either!" So, I behaved (well, I tried very hard to) and did everything that was expected of me, just so I could have a roof over my head and not be cast out onto the streets. What fear, anger and resentment that I kept pushing deep into the recesses of my heart!

Decades later, all these negative emotions blew up like a volcano after Joseph had to leave home because I got burnt out caring for him. The huge eruption left a ginormous crater that had no room for yesses. No, sir, I mean, ma'am, none whatsoever!

So, basically, I said no to everything. At first, it was because there just wasn't enough energy or motivation to be able to sustain even the most feeble of attempts at doing anything. Then when I started to heal (something which I thought was impossible initially), I still found it hard to say yes to anything as there was a lot of self-doubt and resentment accompanying those yesses. I needed to come to a place where I was saying yes to things that fulfilled something in me, and not just to please others.

What joy and freedom it has been to discover that it is ok to do things for myself and to be happy! That I can value and celebrate myself for who I am. That I can say 'no' to things that I would rather not do and not feel guilty about it. Truth, when it gets transferred from being head knowledge to being a heart experience, really does set one free!

So, this year, I'm going be very deliberate about what I choose to put on my plate. So that I can live whole-heartedly. As Holley says, "You’ll know when you’re living wholehearted because you’ll experience more joy, energy and enthusiasm about what you’re doing." Laurie Wallin's guide to know when to say yes will be a very valuable resource indeed.

Priority number one: writing. My manuscript, that is. And blogging. It can be so refreshing and invigorating. As long as I don't wear my eyes out. I'm still adjusting to my first pair of progressive glasses and it hasn't been a fun ride.

And the rest? Anything that brings joy, fulfilment and a sense of well-being that doesn't distract me from priority number one.

"But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your "No', 'No'...." ~ Matthew 5:37 ~

 Linking up with:

Facing my fears

This week, Holley asked us to write about one fear we've faced when it comes to our God-sized dreams. Also, we're to think about the truth that's bigger than that fear.

To be honest, I've got so many fears I don't even know where to begin!

Okay, maybe I'll begin by giving you a few more details about what my God-sized dream is so you can have a better understanding of my fears. It's to write a book about the burnout that I experienced while caring for my autistic son, which led to him having to leave our family home to be placed in the care of others.

That was nearly three years ago. He was 16 years old then.

I thought the burnout would kill me if I continued to have to care for him. What I didn't realise was how difficult it would be to let him go. The guilt and grief was just devastating. I'm not sure if I would have made it through without the support and counsel of my psychologist whom I saw for nearly a year, the love and support of my amazing husband, my daughter's need to have her mum whole again, and the comfort and love of my Heavenly Father.

There has been so much to recover from. It was like I had walked into an emotional minefield that brought everything crashing down around me. I've had to pick myself up from scratch; learn to take my first baby steps again; and deal with every issue that stumbles me, some from way back in my childhood.

During my time of healing, what has helped to give me a sense of purpose and meaning to my life is the idea of writing a book about these experiences. To share about my pain and to let others know that they're not alone in theirs.

So many fears have attempted to discourage me in this process. I mean, it is a big thing to attempt writing a book. It's an even bigger thing to try and find a publisher who will want to publish it. After all that I've been through, have I really got what it takes to do this?

To be honest, I don't really know. All I know is that writing this has given me a focus and a drive that otherwise will not be there.

The truth I'm telling myself is this: I am stronger than I think. Wait, was it Pooh Bear who said that? 

Or, to quote the words of Paul, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Yes, I've got to keep believing that. After all, getting to where I am now took courage that I didn't even know I had!


Linking up with:

When I feel stuck

I remember being in labour with my first born at the doctor's maternity clinic 19 years ago.

I had checked in early that morning, and the contractions were slow and gentle in coming throughout the day. Then at 4pm, they started getting sharper and I was thinking: It shouldn't be too long now. I couldn't be more wrong; the ordeal had barely begun!

By 6pm, the pain had gotten worse and the nurse checked to see how much I had dilated. "Only 1cm; still a long way to go," she said in a matter-of-fact kind of way. I couldn't believe my ears! How long would this pain last? It seemed to be getting sharper with each contraction and I wasn't sure how long I could take this.

The next time the nurse came to check again after what seemed like hours (actually, I think it was a few hours later), the dilation was 4cm and I was in so much pain I didn't think I would be able to get through the whole thing. Again, she said there was still a way to go.

I felt trapped, like I was caught in the middle where I could neither make things go any faster to get past the pain nor turn back time to where I was before the pain began. I was completely stuck and there was nothing I could do about it except to just go with it. It was a horrible place to be in.

But like all things good and all things bad, nothing lasts forever. Despite whatever misgivings I had, the ordeal finally ended shortly after midnight. I held my newborn son in my arms, marvelling at how perfect he was and how the pain had miraculously ended the moment he arrived. Great was the joy shared by my husband and me in that magical moment!

Since that time, I have found myself in similar circumstances where I feel stuck. Sometimes, it's a little kind of stuck that lasts only momentarily; sometimes it's a bigger kind that takes a longer time to work itself through. Then there was a really huge one that lasted a few years. But the steps to getting through such times for me are the same:

* Pray and hand the whole situation over to God, asking Him for peace and for practical help.
* Get the necessary information to find the right support or service and do whatever is needed to get the help that I require.
* Cease struggling by letting go. It's easier to let the current take me to where it wants me to go rather than fight against it. Rest in the arms of Jesus and purposefully make a decision to trust that He will get me through this, no matter what my feelings tell me. 
* Recall the previous time(s) that He has gotten me through and let thankfulness, praise and faith arise from within.
* Declare that He will come through for me again, standing on the promises in His Word which I need to fill my mind with constantly.
* Keep walking; don't lie down in 'the valley of the shadow of death'! Often times it's a matter of pushing past the pain. When it feels impossible to walk anymore, just stand, leaning hard on Him if necessary.
* Know that this, too, shall pass and believe that something good will come out of it.

It is important to believe that to every problem, there is a solution. And that every trial does come to an end.

God always comes through for us. Sometimes it just takes a while to get there....

But eventually, we will get there....

And there will be something to make us smile at the end of that trial....something worth giving God praise for....

Like the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow....


"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." ~ Psalm 23:4 ~


Linking up with:

Click on this to read more stories by other writers

A Step Toward My God-sized Dream

I love reading Holley Gerth's posts. I'm attempting to set out with her and other women on our path to our God-sized dreams. Each week, we take one step toward making our dreams a reality. It doesn't matter if that step is a small or tiny one. It still counts.

Without realising it, I took a big step last week when I started a blog and wrote my first post on my God-sized dream. I couldn't have done that without help from my teen-aged daughter who is a lot more technology-savvy than I am. Since then, I have written two more posts and this is my fourth one.

I must confess, I love doing this. I've always enjoyed keeping a journal, but blogging sure takes journaling to a whole new level!

It's great to discover things that bring pleasure and enjoyment. Especially after having been through storms that you thought you weren't going to make it through. When you thought: this must surely be the end.

But with God, that's just the beginning. The time when we come to the end of ourselves is the time He steps in and takes over.

And His love that I thought I'd known comes through at a deeper level in fresh, new ways.

It is this love that I want to experience more. Because I now realise that what I have experienced is only a foretaste of what is to come; a pinch of what is available. There is so much more to enjoy, to share with others, to fall in love with Jesus together.....

It is my hope to keep on journaling, and blogging, and to write that book.....

Linking up with
http://holleygerth.com/category/god-sized-dreams/

 

God-sized Dream

A God-sized dream? That sounds so huge, so far and so out of reach....

But a desire in the depths of my heart that I would like to see fulfilled one day? That, I do have.

It's to write a book about all the things that have happened in my life up to this point. Because I feel a number of significant things have happened and it would be such a waste not to write them down and share them. Maybe others can relate to the feelings that go with each of those events. Maybe my experiences are not all that extraordinary. Maybe, just maybe I can encourage someone and that will make my burden seem less heavy, my pain less pointless. And maybe I will feel encouraged at the thought of being able to encourage someone.

For we're not meant to go through life alone. Heart experiences are meant to be shared so that we can learn from each other, as well as to draw strength and comfort from one another. Has anyone discovered that it is easier at times to encourage others than ourselves?

I've often joked that the stories of my life would fill a book. So maybe it's time to take this mammoth task to hand and start taking steps towards its fulfilment. Put away those "you're not good enough" thoughts and fears that are screaming for my attention.

Baby steps if need be, one step at a time.........as I take hold of the hand of the One who has brought me this far and who promises to walk the rest of the way with me......

Here's to having taken the first step in writing this post!

Linking up with
http://holleygerth.com/category/god-sized-dreams/