Wednesday, 6 February 2013
Facing my fears
This week, Holley asked us to write about one fear we've faced when it comes to our God-sized dreams. Also, we're to think about the truth that's bigger than that fear.
To be honest, I've got so many fears I don't even know where to begin!
Okay, maybe I'll begin by giving you a few more details about what my God-sized dream is so you can have a better understanding of my fears. It's to write a book about the burnout that I experienced while caring for my autistic son, which led to him having to leave our family home to be placed in the care of others.
That was nearly three years ago. He was 16 years old then.
I thought the burnout would kill me if I continued to have to care for him. What I didn't realise was how difficult it would be to let him go. The guilt and grief was just devastating. I'm not sure if I would have made it through without the support and counsel of my psychologist whom I saw for nearly a year, the love and support of my amazing husband, my daughter's need to have her mum whole again, and the comfort and love of my Heavenly Father.
There has been so much to recover from. It was like I had walked into an emotional minefield that brought everything crashing down around me. I've had to pick myself up from scratch; learn to take my first baby steps again; and deal with every issue that stumbles me, some from way back in my childhood.
During my time of healing, what has helped to give me a sense of purpose and meaning to my life is the idea of writing a book about these experiences. To share about my pain and to let others know that they're not alone in theirs.
So many fears have attempted to discourage me in this process. I mean, it is a big thing to attempt writing a book. It's an even bigger thing to try and find a publisher who will want to publish it. After all that I've been through, have I really got what it takes to do this?
To be honest, I don't really know. All I know is that writing this has given me a focus and a drive that otherwise will not be there.
The truth I'm telling myself is this: I am stronger than I think. Wait, was it Pooh Bear who said that?
Or, to quote the words of Paul, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
Yes, I've got to keep believing that. After all, getting to where I am now took courage that I didn't even know I had!
Linking up with: